Friday, December 16, 2005
:: xia lng tlga ::
♥ain't your doll;
7:44 PM
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Wednesday, December 07, 2005
[**alone..]isang malungkot n article...
I am destined to be alone and miserable.
To stare idly at nothingness; to fantasize about the impossible; to wish for things that can never be achieved; to hope for a love that can never be given.
To sit like a statue in the midst of darkness; to cry and yet not shed a single tear.
To be devoid of emotion; or at least be adept at hiding pain and frustration; to always seem to move on and yet in truth dwell in the past; to forgive but never forget.
To be ruled by fear rejection and yet foolishly try and try again to establish a connection; to fail at it; to try again, and again, and again, and again; and to disappoint myself each time.
To want to love and be loved in return, and find only emptiness and loneliness.
To have people think I’m crazy; and yet know that they just don’t understand; to suffer the indignation of having to notice every bit of ignorance, stupidity, and narrow-mindedness the world possesses and hate it; all the while grappling with the reality that I’m not so perfect myself.
To be fated to be loved only misery, melancholy, melodrama, and self-pity; to love a person who does not seem to exist; to put all my hopes, dreams, ambitions and aspirations on a person who’s probably going to let me down someday.
To bare out my soul this way because there isn't any other means by which I can express myself; to fill dozens of notebooks with unspoken thoughts; and to read them again and again from time to time just to remind myself how pathetic I am.
To be a dreamer and a realist at the same time; to ask myself questions I know the answers to; to speak to myself for lack of another person to talk to.
To devour romantic movies and relish each kiss, each dance, each song, each and every single piece of dialogue as if it were my own; and to know the whole time that such things will never happen in my life.
To believe in forever and everlasting love, and yet be given the complete opposite every time I do fall in love.
To tell anyone who bothers to listen that I see myself married to her; and then lose her; to say it again about another person; and lose her the same way.
To fail at almost everything I try to do; to be ridiculed at every decision I make; to have people I know make stupid jokes and hurtful comments behind my back.
To always be second best or less; to watch my dreams fade away into nothing; to always have to suck it all up and say “Shit happens.”
To realize that all of this is my fault; that I make myself miserable; that I choose to wallow in self-pity and melodrama; and know that I can do absolutely nothing about it, since it seems that it's the only thing I can do well.
Yes, I am truly destined to be alone and miserable.
♥ain't your doll;
9:20 PM
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Sunday, December 04, 2005
[**in your eyes..]wla akong ma-post ngayon.. ala lng.. my pasok nnman bukas.. sna ay i-excuse kmi sa lhat kc wla ako sa mood n mg-klase.. 10 days nlng bgo mg-christmas party tpos bakasyon n.. mkikita ko p kya xia.. un nlng plagi ung naiisip ko.. whaaa.. ano n kyang mgyayari pgkatapos.. haayyy...
birthdays. hapi birthday nga pla sa aming pnakamamahal n presidente n c mariah.. sna ay plag xiang mging masaya.. sna ay humaba p ang pasensya nia sa klase.. hehehe.. npaka-responsable nia kya lng ung iba nde ntatakot sa knya kc ambait-bait nito.. hehehe.. hapi b-day ulit.. mwah.. isa p pla.. advanced hapi b-day ky justine(dec. 6).. tsaka higit s lhat ky JESUS(dec. 25)... xP...
quotes. pmpahaba lng ng post.. hehehe...
Why do people have to lose things to find out what they really mean?
You can close your eyes to things you don’t want to see, but you can’t close your heart to things you don’t want to feel.
When I see you smile and know that it is not for me, that is when I will miss you the most.
teardrop is insignificant in a pool of water, but it can touch the soul as it runs down someone’s face.
----------sweet melancholy..
you came and went..
♥ain't your doll;
8:04 PM
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Saturday, December 03, 2005
[**beautiful disaster..]mtap. second to the last session n ata ito eh.. buti nlng radicals ung lesson kya mabilis kming natapos.. diretso DMX khit n may praktis.. mga pasaway tlga.. sori kung na-late kmi.. xP
carol fest. ng-praktis kmi knila dana ngyun.. kkpagod... buti nlng ay natapos n nmin.. kya lng wla png mga galaw... hehehe.. sa monday nlng... sna ay mging maganda ang ma-present nmin sa 7...
kumukutikutitap. ngkaroon ng conflict tungkol sa choice of songs.. preho kcng npili ng edison at curie ang kumukutikutitap.. hehehe.. ano kyang meron dun sa kanta? ayaw po nmin ng away.. nde ko alm kng pano nla sinettle kc ung mga leaders ung ng-asikaso.. pro pareho mn kmi ng knta ok lng skin kc preho lng nman ng knta pro ndi ung way of singing... sna ay maayos ito at sna ay mging mganda prin ang samahan ng curie- edi.. sna wlang awayan.. pis taung lhat.. glingan nting lhat at gudluk sa 2nd yirs..
2nd yirs. ispiking op da 2nd yirs.. haayyy.. my ndi magandang ngyayari sa batch.. sna ay maayos n lhat ng problema... xP...
accident. na-aksidente po c jayson zabala ng fleming-2... nabundol po cia hbang ptawid ppuntang circle... ipagdasal po ntin ang knyang pggaling.. salamat po...
----------And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster
♥ain't your doll;
10:56 PM
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Friday, December 02, 2005
[**hardest things..]Trying to hide what you really feel
Trying to hide the tears that involuntarily fall from your eyes
Thinking of him/her every waking and sleeping moment knowing all the while that he/she never even thinks a single thought of you...
Pretending you're OK when inside you're dying...
Pretending to be strong.... and recognizing your weakness
Lying in bed each night, thinking of that special person you can never have...
The hardest thing about love - believing it exists
----------when u want some1 hu cn never b urs
it only gives u pain,
dats y b carefull in longing 4 some1
coz i dont want u 2 feel the pain
i felt when i longed so much 4 u...
♥ain't your doll;
10:44 PM
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Thursday, December 01, 2005
[**maiiwasan ba?..]december. unang araw ng disyembre.. haayyy.. nde ko p maxadong na-fifeel ang pasko.. wla lng.. sa dmi kc ng mga pngkakaabalahan pra tuloy nde ko n npapancn ang mga buwan n lumilipas.. hehehe... sna mging masaya taung lhat sa pasko...
carol fest. ang ina-anticipate n event tueing december ay ang carol fest.. pnghahandaan tlga ng lhat.. at ang curie... wla p rng ntatapos hnggang ngyun.. hehehe.. certified crammers tlga.. sna lng ay my mai-present kmi n mganda at maayos sa dec. 7.. gudlak sa lhat ng ksali at pgbutihan nting lhat... xD
worms. ang ganda ng bti ng december skin... pngdala kming lhat ng tig-iisang worm.. yak... ung iba sa skul lng kumuha.. yaks tlga... sa lhat ng mga animals, worms ang pnaka-ayoko.. ayoko tlga sa knila.. eh d un.. tnatkot nla ako kya naiyak ako nung umaga.. eh d un dumating ang bio tym.. shemm.. ndi ko alm kng anong ggwin ko kc ilalagay sa palm ung worm tpos lalagyan ng alcohol, acetone at acetic acid ata un.. eh d un iyak ako ng iyak... ndi ko tlga kya... nung turn ko n.. sbi ko ky ma'am n ndi ko tlga kya.. tpos dhil sa aking mga ever loving classmeyts ay ngawa ko ang lab work.. nde nga lng maxadong maayos kc iyak tlga ako ng iyak.. namugto n nga ung mata ko eh... salamat knila joyce, austin, rens, tom, kevin at sa iba p n ng-persuade s akin.. hehehe.. 1st and last tym n un.. ayoko tlga ng worms eh...
----------maiiwasan ba
ang bawat sandaling ika'y laman ng isip ko
(maiiwasan bang)
ngayo'y lilipas ng hindi kita nasisilayan
(magkamali sa'yo)
nararapat bang pigilan ang damdamin na
(maiiwasan bang)
lalong mahulog sa iyo
♥ain't your doll;
10:19 PM
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